Posted by: Phoebe | August 6, 2008

Aristocrat or Peasant? My Questions.

Less of This:




And More of This:

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about idealism in looking for a  husband, prompted by a article. I said that I would follow that post with another post about my attitudes toward different areas of life, areas where I should be either more of a peasant or more of an aristocrat. This is not a “quick read” blog post. I am finding that thinking through this has been beneficial for me, so I encourage you to take the time as well. 


No doubt, you will be able to tell my thoughts about these areas from the phrasing of my questions. You will probably be able to tell that I am an aristocrat in lots of areas! The aristocrat’s approach would be to say that I should know my opinions so I can look for someone who fits the bill. But the reason I am doing this is to ask myself whether I should become more of a peasant. Should I be more open to marrying someone who is different from me? Should I be more open to surprises?


Finally, let me state that I really am NOT looking for anyone right now. I am very happy with my single life right now, but since I do hope to get married sometime, I want to think through my attitudes right now. May God change me where He wants to!




  • * How important is church and Bible reading to me?
  • * What kinds of spiritual experiences do I hope to share with a husband? Experiences include things such as talking about theology, praying together,  reading the same Christian books, worshipping together, and giving spiritual leadership together.
  • * Do people have different spiritual experiences because they have different personalities and gifts? What would these differences look like? Would I be willing to marry someone with “different” approaches to spiritual experiences? Do I have strong theological viewpoints, such as Protestantism, Calvinism, Charismaticism, Biblical fundamentalism, or denominationalism? (Or their opposites.) How important is it that a husband share those viewpoints?
  • * Do we share theological beliefs about the equality and roles of men and women? How important do I think this is to the functioning of our marriage?



  • * Everyone agrees character is important. Understanding that, how do I hope to have someone’s good character “proven” to me before I marry him?
  • * Am I willing to marry someone who comes from a troubled past? Someone who in the past lived a profligate life, came from a broken home, or struggled with addictions? Would I marry someone who is a newer Christian?
  • * What is the balance between marrying a man who is now a Christian but had a worldly past, and between expecting lots of proof of good character?
  • * Am I willing to become more of a peasant in this area if God wants me to? What is the wise AND redemptive approach?


Education and Lifestyle

  • * Is it important to me that I marry someone of the same educational level as myself?
  • * How important is it that we share the same television, reading, sports, and musical tastes? Do I ignore people who have different tastes than I do? What would I be willing to live with?
  • * Is it important to me that I marry a man who has or will have a good job? Or would I be willing to marry someone who is financially responsible but may have a hard time making money?
  • * How important are political opinions to me?
  • * What kind of family do I hope to have? Am I willing to have a different kind of family?
  • * How important are diet preferences to me?
  • * How important is it that we share the same attitudes and practices about money?
  • * How important is his family background to me?
  • * Am I willing to change? Am I willing to fit my expectations around him?



  • * Are there men whose professions discourage me from being interested in them? Should I rethink which kinds of professions I should be willing to “marry into?” For example:
  • * Would I marry someone who is in the military? In any job that requires travel? In any dangerous job?
  • * In the ministry or a missionary?
  • * A doctor?
  •      A businessman?
  • * A blue-collar worker with a lower income?
  • * In any job that would be financially unstable?



  • * Do I want to marry someone with a particular personality? What kinds of personalities am I attracted to?
  • * Am I sure that that kind of personality would make me happy? Should I re-think my personal inclination and consider someone with the opposite kind of personality?
  • * How important is mental stability to me? Is this an area where I could be called to marry someone whom I will support “in sickness” as well as “in health”? This is a very serious question.
  • * How important is intro/extroversion to me?



  • * Am I only attracted to certain kinds of men? Should I be willing to be attracted to other kinds?
  • * How important is attraction to me? Is attraction something that “just is,” or can it be cultivated and developed? Should I try to cultivate it where I would not initially be inclined to?
  • * Do I ignore some men because of their physical characteristics, when I should not? Would I marry a man who has a disability?
  • * How important is health and exercise to me?

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